I have been gone. Sorry

I havent blogged in so long and I think thats why I feel how I feel at the moment.
So low.
Its awful.
I having been reading Pippas blogs to cheer me up. LOL.
I dunno what it is. I thinks its a combination of the shock that Luke has given me and tierdness from the wedding I went to on Saturday and MY BLOODY RE!! GOSH ITS SO SHIT!!
So yeah. I am not exactly the happiest at the moment. I feel really bad and down.
Aimee is trying to figure out what is the matter and even I dont know what the matter is. So I have run away to the computer room on the other side of 6th form to write this so she doesnt find me.
All I wanna do is cry! Seriously. But you cant do that here. You just cant. So I gotta wait till I get home.
And it is my mums birthday today and its just ARGH!!!


Yeah my mum doesnt help. She has just moved jobs AND IS STILL LOOKING FOR ANOTER ONE!! FOR GOODNESS SAKE WOMAN!! She really does stress me out sometimes. It apprently says 'do not worry' 365 times in teh Bible. (Once for each day of the year!) And she bloody worries every single fricking day of the year! 24/7. ARGH!!!


So this shock that Luke has given me. HE WANTS TO PROPOSE TO ME ON MY 17th BIRTHDAY!! WHICH IS THIS YEAR!! He wont be 17 but he doesnt care. Even though both his parents say we are to young (which we are) and I have told him my dad wont give him permission he still wants to do it. So sadly I have to break the news to him that I think we are to young. I spoke to my friend about it at the wedding on Saturday and she says we would probably regret it in 2 years. And me and one of my other friends think that if he loves me and really wants to do it. He will wait a couple of years till we are older. I am sure he has this idea cause of one of our friends. But anyway. I do love him and I do wanna marry him. But I do feel we are to young to make that promise to marry each other. I am dating him with the view of marrying him but I can't get engaged to him yet. Not at only just 17. 18 maybe and deffo 19 but not 17. Do you get what I mean?


Oooo shit Aimees come looking for me. I have just seen her walk into the libary which is next to this room. And I think she has seen me. She hasn't come in. But you know how sometimes even when you are in school/college and around your friends you just need some time alone? Well thats how I feel at the moment. And I don't want to talk to anybody. I just wanna let everything out here. And I am feeling just a bit better for it. But sadly I have this after school lesson today which I cannot be asked with. Seriously. Just ARGH!! I have to play the 'happy girl who has no problems and always does her work'. When really I am a 'sad, frightened little girl who has way to much baggage and just wants a hug and to get away and is dtruggling so much with college'. See the difference?

I am going to London in the Easter holidays for a couple of days with a friend to see some friends. OH I CANNOT WAIT!! It is just what I need. Some time with friends away from my family. I am just gonna go and not contact them. No contact from when I leave to when I get back. I could even take my phone but switch it off :) I get the equivlent of about 2 days there. 1 full day and 2 1/2 days :) Be soo nice.

I been writing this now for nearly 20mins and I feel so much better. So maybe I should go and find Aimee. I dunno. Maybe just go back to the common room.

All my love
xxxxx

Still feeling a low but oh well