I have cried so much in the last 36 hours. All that has happened in this house since thursday night is arguments. I feel like that little 7 year old who used to cower behind the sofa watching her parents shout abuse at each other. But now Im the 16 year old who has been around 16 years of abuse being hurled around the house. O no its not physical. All verbal which stays in your head and makes you fall and you keep falling till you hit the bottom so hard and you hurt so much you cant get up by yourself. You rely on others, but your scared it will hurt them to. Its a secret from the relatives. No when your with them and talk to them you try to hold onto the edge to stop yourself from falling. The teachers know a little. But only enough to stop them from reporting or refuring. The only people who know how fast you are falling is yourself and God. Although sometimes it feels he doesnt know. But he does. There are times when you fall faster then others. Times when you want to shout for help. But you know no-one will hear you. Faster and faster you fall. I havent hit the bottom yet. Im trying to cling onto the edge. But i cant. Im sliding down. Im trying to shout but no-one will hear me.
I dont want to live here anymore. I dont feel safe and secure although apprently i am. But i dont feel it. Holidays are shit and i cant wait to be back at college. The safest place i can be. I cant play happy families for much longer. I'm falling to fast to. And as for the tears well. They are filling up the hole Im falling in. Its filling up fast and there trying to drown me. I know when i get there I'll swim. Wait for someone to rescue me. But i dont want to get that far down. I need to be caught and pulled up as fast as can be.
I really do.
Catch me somebody
Catch me
Catch
Catc
Cat
Ca
C
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